Some relationships are easy to give a name to …. husband, wife, son, daughter, mother-in-law, etc. Even though a relationship is more than a title, we always find the simplest route and define these relationships by titles. In these familial titles, we ignore the true meaning of the relationship. We simply take the most convenient route, probably the most publicly acceptable route. As someone was telling me, in a marwari family, the daughter-in-law has to call even her 5 yr old sister-in-law “didi”. When we are not bound by the dogmas of society, titles to a relationship can be more difficult to give. When does an acquaintance become a friend ? When does a friend who is a girl become a girlfriend ? When does a friend become a “best friend” ? The adjective ‘best’ suggests in the english language a comparison and only one person. But do we have only one ‘best’ friend ?
This confusion in my head on how to give my friendships a title began with a simple can of coke. Earlier, deep thoughts of mine were stirred not shaken over a martini but 2018 is different, the no alcohol promise has changed me. Anyway, I have been asked who is my “bff” ? Letters honestly I didn’t even know the full form of till probably a year ago ! I know my wife has one, or two, or a few ….. not sure. She has found it possible to give this title. Why do I struggle ? Is it because I am more reserved in what I share with my friends? Have I created slots for my friends, and thus there isn’t one person who fits into all encompassing category as “bff” ? Are my relationships not as deep ? …..
Friendships are tough to build, and I find it even tougher. I have lots of friends, but few that I have found deep meaning with. I know I will lend a hand to a friend in need, and not expect one back. I will engage in small talk and share a drink, but is this true friendship ? I know I have friends I have not met for years, I may not even have spoken to for a year but I can still count on them for anything I need. Are these my bff’s ? Is friendship defined by being there when I need help ? Or is a bff one with whom i can share my joys, my pains, my insecurities ?
I am probably afraid to share, afraid to talk about my inner feelings. Afraid that opening up will make me weaker. Afraid to drop the mask of invincibility. When I overcome my fear, I will find my bff !