Did I Cry ?

A friend asked me this question earlier today…..and as I responded to her, a series of human emotions engulfed me. As humans, one of our key differentiators from many animals is our ability to emote….and with my stoic face, often expressionless, barely a smile or frown coming through, do I come across as being less emotional ? Am i actually heartless, as some people who have worked with me, have accused me of being ?

I still vividly remember, standing by my dad’s funeral pyre 18 years ago, I asked my boss about a meeting that was scheduled with the client the next day.  All he said was,  “we will talk later”. Did I not have any emotions at that time ? I didn’t cry when my dad died, not because i had this filmi theory of celebrating his life ; but simply because an escape mechanism in my head was stopping me from thinking about what had happened. It was my escapist route to emote.

Between 2006 and 2010, I built a business from scratch to 350 crs, created a team of 3000 people. On my farewell, a 1000 people in Bangkok give me a standing ovation and had to be persuaded to sit down. Was a good setting to let a tear flow from the eye. But no, i stood on stage, power point on screen and gave a thundering presentation on what leadership truly means. Was i not emotional ? Was there a quiver in my voice? Of course there was, but the strong CEO could not show it. My act was my escape.

What do I keep escaping from ? There seemed to be, deep inside, a hidden insecurity. A feeling that crying would make me weak. A need to project strength and confidence, ….. Surprisingly, unlike many men, it was never a case of “frailty thy name is woman”.

Over the years, with conscious effort, I have tried to bring out the softer side of me. I am more willing to be weak in public. I am more willing to cry in front of others. I am more willing to put down my emotions in words.

I cry. And I cry. I do it when the world sleeps. Because then I am alone, and only I can hear myself crying !

About Neeraj Garg

Business builder, Change agent, Entrepreneurial professional, Growth seeker .... describe what I do at work. Personally, sometimes talkative and sometimes silent, sometimes completely engaged and sometimes completely detached. Observe and absorb at all times. Write infrequently, but write straight from the heart. Write spontaneously. Write on all things that peek my interest.
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1 Response to Did I Cry ?

  1. MK says:

    There are different ways to express emotions and you expressed them to us. By your support and disagreeing with our ways of working but in both case we gained a lot of knowledge, which we will miss now.


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