On Marriage …

Marriages are made in heaven ? What the hell !

Talking to a friend over the weekend, consoling her as she spoke about her relationship with her hubby, I wondered what had gone wrong.

Hers was a filmy love marriage, a long courtship, colleagues who fell in love ( and there was no #meToo moment here), married against their parents wishes, it’s been over 20 years now … All the reasons for strong bonds, cherished moments together, ….

Circa 2018… an equally filmy scene…..a couple who cant see eye to eye, squabbling over non issues, attributing motive to each other for every act of forgetfulness, for every word that may not have been perfect.

20 years is a long time, but what happened?  Was this marriage never meant to be ? Did the couple change in ways over time that made them less compatible ? Did age mature them, harden them but also make them less flexible, less accommodating? In their search for perfection in their lives, had they become too focused on the negatives of life ?

I don’t really know. I am still a little shy of 20 years so maybe my marriage is not old enough ! Or maybe we have learnt to fight over the small things but resolve the big issues, eg. Who gets the TV remote first at night ! 😁 Or maybe we have learnt that every storm is followed by calm and hence seek the peace. Or maybe we are so different that the small commonalities become strong bonds.

I guess there is no rhyme or reason for what happens in life sometimes. Hindu mythology would like us to believe that everything is predetermined. Yet it urges to pray to God, to seek divine intervention, to abstain, to renounce, to give….as if the predetermined can be re-determined!

Or like so many other things in life, relationships go through their ups and downs.

But,

We can learn to focus on the positives,
Focus on the future, not always the dark side of the current,
Reflect on what we can change and not on what we can’t
Look inside, and find fault within, not outside

20 years of marriage…. is it too late for us to

Be real,
Be human,
Be imperfect,
Be forgiving,
Be angry,
Just Be.

Marriages made in heaven break in hell, because we keep seeking what doesnt exist. Marriages made on earth, survive on earth ! What the hell !!

This random banter, this cacophony of words, this ridiculous attempt to convey meaning, is like a marriage. Difficult to understand. Difficult to keep up with. Difficult to fathom. But hidden in it, are some deep meanings, some deep feelings, some real experiences. Find these, and find peace. What the hell !!

About Neeraj Garg

I have spent more than 20 years in the corporate world, in a mad rat race, like many others. Sometimes, very so rarely, I try and find some time for myself to pen down my thoughts.......not deep or intense, but often asking myself questions about issues that are top of mind.
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